While God has me in "dry dock" as He scrapes the barnacles off my hull, I have had time to reflect back over the years of our relationship. I remember the first time God spoke to me, I was about 8 years old and on the roof of the old five story walk up I grew up in in the Bronx. I was up there flying one of my home made kite's when the string broke and I took off chasing it without a thought for my safety. All I could think about was all the work I had put into this kite and as I ran just before running right off the edge a voice said "stop" just like that, and just like that I stopped just in time to see my kite slowly float down to the court yard seven stories below.
I did not know God or His voice then but He knew me. It all could have ended right there for me but God said "stop", it was not one of those commands you hear but you don't obey. God said "stop" and just like He said "let there be light" and there was light with that same authority He said "stop" and I had to stop. God had a plan for my life.
As a child my mother made me go to church and I sang in the Children's Choir and went to Sunday school and yet after years I still had no idea who my Father in Heaven was. Like most children in the beginning I knew who my mother was because she was always there for me, feeding and caring for me and dragging me to church but I had trouble making a connection with my Father God. I had no time for Him. I attributed that voice that said "stop" and saved my life to MY subconscious mind and did not put the God at church and the voice on the roof together. But like a true father God had patience with me. He knew the plans He had for me.
When I reached 14 years old my mom gave me a choice on weather or not I had to go to church any more and I chose to stay home. Like the Prodigal Son I decided it was time for me to move on from my Fathers house, the fact that He was the reason for my very existence and had provided for my every need meant nothing to me at the time. As the years went by I piled up accomplishments including writing and producing records to gaining college degrees and becoming a Nurse. I thought I could accomplish anything I put my mind to. I was the center of my own universe I gave no thought to God's favor or grace. I ignored my Father because I felt I didn't need my Father. Soon that would all change.
God gives us all free will and like children when they first discover they have the ability to say "no" we want to exercise that ability as much as we can. Just like earthly fathers God allows us some leeway by convicting us and gently prodding us in the right direction until we go to far bringing chastisement our way. That is what happened to me. God began calling me back home to Him in the late 1980's, I felt Him drawing me. All of a sudden after many years I had the desire to go to church. I kept making plans to go every Sunday, even talked to my mother about it but every Sunday morning I couldn't get myself out of bed.
Here I was rushing toward the edge of the roof again with God saying "stop" again but now as an adult with free will He allowed me to run off the edge. As I "ran" through God's stop sign I stepped off the roof and fell head long into the abyss of crack addiction. I could feel God saying like many fathers have to "this is why I was calling you, drawing you, I knew where you were headed. Now you must face the consequences of your decisions." He sent me to my room, the crack house, to think about what I had done.
In the eyes The Great I Am, The Alpha and the Omega we are nothing but a quick glimpse out of the corner of His eye, to call us children is being generous.
I was a spoiled, disobedient child taking for granted my Fathers love and favor. When He allowed me to "fall" into drugs God gave me a wonderful gift, A Testimony. TO BE CONTINUED...
Till next time, God Bless you All, Brother Darrell, Speaking Off The Wall